Bob and his partner, Richard, had been together for 18 years and kept each other’s contact information in their wallets in case of emergency. But when Richard died unexpectedly from a heart attack in a grocery store parking lot, Bob was left out of the notification and decision-making process.
The Hennepin County Medical Examiner initially called Bob’s phone number, but refused to share any information with him because according to the law, Bob was not considered Richard’s next-of-kin.
Unfortunately, Bob and Richard hadn’t drawn up legal documents. Still, legal paperwork often isn’t enough to ensure that members of committed same-sex relationships are treated with fairness and respect in an emergency.
Eventually, Richard’s sister Marg from Duluth, was notified of Richard’s death and she immediately called Bob. “He was my brother’s partner, but I was the one who got the official news because I was the next-of-kin family member. If they had been a married couple, the medical examiner would have notified Bob,” Marg said. “The situation was unfair and cruel. Bob was worried sick because he knew there was something wrong with Richard, but he couldn’t find out what.”
From then on, Marg was forced to make decisions about Richard’s remains, even though Bob was the one who knew Richard’s wishes. “The whole process was so offensive – that no one recognized or respected their 18-year relationship,” Marg said.
Three weeks after Richard’s death, Marg got another call from the medical examiner’s office. For heart disease research purposes, the office wanted details about Richard’s activities the night before his death. “How am I supposed to know that?” Marg told the caller. “I’m his sister. You should call his partner.” But the office refused.
“As Richard’s sister, I was shocked by the unfairness and lack of respect for their relationship,” Marg said. “My family shouldn’t be treated unfairly – especially during such a difficult time.”
