Sep 272016
 

horny-girl-1206811_640Is it all your swag? That game you spit? Or the way you smell? There are many theories out there on what turns girls on. Ranging from the debatable to the laughingly stupid. There are plenty of things you can do, and not do, to turn your girl on. Just don’t listen to the internet full of grubs. I’ve compiled this list of four things to do and not do to help you get your girl randy.

1. DON’T show her your naked body when flaccid.
– Besides the fact that the flaccid penis looks like someone punched Gonzo and broke his nose, no one wants to see your floppy dong. You could have a go at it and see what happens, but don’t count on your girl to be mesmerized by sad snake. Studies have shown that women are less turned on by a muscular, naked, flappy-donged man than they are by two bonobos humping each others’ brains out.

2. DO brush your teeth.
– This might have to go without saying. A man with halitosis is a man who probably isn’t doing so well with women if he doesn’t ameliorate the stank rising from his teeth. That being said, there are plenty of us who have otherwise normal smelling breath most of the day, but forget about them in crucial moments. Wake up early and feeling the oh-so-familiar stiffness downstairs? Don’t try going in for some action with your girl until you’ve excused yourself and gotten the night’s stink out of your mouth. Likewise, if you’ve just had lunch, dinner, beer, or any number of things that can put your breath off, freshen up before you try making any moves.

3. DO smell good, DON’T use cologne.
– Sure, there may be that occasional girl who says a guy smells good when he is wearing cologne, but unless she has some sort of psychological attachment to that smell, she’s not smelling that guy and getting randy. Just don’t believe those body wash commercials. Not only are artificial scents not designed to turn women on, but instead to make you smell like something you’re not, but they mask your true, manly smell. Our bodies evolved the smells they have specifically for avoiding danger and attracting the opposite sex. Not just our delicious natural smells, but the pheromones within them can send your to horny-town quicker than you can take your pants off.

4. DO text her
– Face it, flirting face-to-face can be difficult. It takes courage, and the possibility of having to deal with rejection. Some people just can’t think quick enough to flirt, or can’t get out of their own head and into the game. Shame. Luckily, texting gives you ample time to think of lines, reply with innuendo, and get the her thinking in dirty ways you might not have been able to do face-to-face. That being said, texting is no way to close. It is simply a crafty means to the ultimate end of you falling asleep from a world-shaking orgasm on her belly.

Follow this simple guide and you may find yourself gasping for air as women clobber you with their titties in excitement.

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